Jack Bauer

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I live with a Jack Bauer fan, and she’d likely “amen” most of these.

So they made me laugh.

Such things were once said about Chuck Norris.

Well, move over Chuck. Jack’s on the scene…

Basic Truths About 24’s Jack Bauer

  • Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
  • If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
  • If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
  • Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
  • If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it’s beef.
  • Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
  • 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
  • Let’s get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
  • Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
  • Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
  • When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
  • Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
  • Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
  • Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
  • Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
  • When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
  • Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
  • Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
  • Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
  • Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
  • You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
  • Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.
  • When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
  • In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?
  • Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
  • In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
  • What color is Jack Bauer’s blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
  • Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
  • If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
  • People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
  • Sun Tzu once wrote, “If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you’re dead.”
  • Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
  • Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.
  • Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
  • When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
  • Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
  • Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Skin

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I had a great visit with a friend lately. In the flow of discussion, the word “retreat” came up.

It surprised me a bit, coming from this specific mouth, so I asked why such thoughts were rolling around.

He replied by saying, “I don’t know. I guess I just don’t feel very comfortable in my own skin lately.”

Odd image… but SO easy to understand. And who hasn’t felt it?!

So… quick survey.

What do YOU do when you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin?

Freedom

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I’ve found a new treat.

It’s a highly creative magazine called Adbusters. I admit that five years ago, I likely wouldn’t have even taken this magazine off the rack. Now I find myself browsing it every time I go to the library.

So what is it?

Their website is called “Culturejammers Headquarters”, and all that they do is aimed to look critically at Western culture. Browse even one issue, and you’ll see them to be anti-materialism, anti-HUGE-corporation (McDonald’s and Nike are among their biggest targets), anti-tobacco, anti-alcohol, anti-pornography, anti-war, and more.

These are often to folks who organize or support annual events like “TV Turnoff Week” and “Buy Nothing Day“.

Their tones are often cynical, even sarcastic. But much of it resonates with me and little of it strikes me as inappropriate

It’s been one of the more stimulating things I’ve come across lately.

A recent issue contained a “visual essay” entitled “The Existential Divide”. It’s an image-filled scan of the last 100 years. Portions of it are very powerful.

As an obvious disclaimer, I question the use of a suicide bomber as an illustration of something noble (near the end), but I didn’t want to butcher the article and I can seem SOME value in the comparison, so I’ve included it.

Some of the words scattered through it are these…

Progress > Freedom >> Yes.

Free at last…?

A passionate struggle for freedom is deeply embedded in the history of the western world. It still inspires us today. And it still inspires oppressed people everywhere. Freedom is our great meta-meme, the crowning jewel of our civilization…

But lately, in our own back yard, freedom has taken a perverse, hyper-individualistic turn.

We now drink more, do more drugs, live more promiscuously, spend more money, use up more resources, create more waste, and deliberately flaunt our wealth, power, and sexuality more than any other culture on earth.

When a modest, pious man living in a poor village a world away looks at us, what does he see?

While 79% of university entrants in 1970 said their goal in life was to develop ‘a meaningful philosophy of life,’ by 2005, 75% defined their life’s objective as ‘being very well off financially.’

What happened?

Have we found total freedom, or absolute disconnect?

Are we becoming more liberated, or just increasingly self-centered and alienated?

What, really, are our moral, cultural, and spiritual foundations now?

We kill ourselves slowly, by eating too much or too little, becoming fat, or anorexic, or diabetic. Physically and psychologically we whither away in our culture of collective self-absorption and material sloth. And our boundless, insatiable greed now threatens to drag the entire planet down with us.

Meanwhile, in our eyes, the Islamist suicide bomber has come to epitomize ‘the terrorist’, a modern savage, a psychopathic degenerate utterly disconnected from any redeeming social or moral values. Yet, in fact, this ‘other’ is a man whose life revolves around the mosque, daily prayer, restrained dress, moderate fasting, a tight-knit family and community. When pushed to the limit, a committed Muslim may decide to sacrifice his own life, his own body, for what he sees as a greater social and spiritual good. Which one of us in the West will do this now?

This is the existential divide.

The New Seven

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In case you missed the announcement on 07/07/07, the New Seven Wonders of the World were voted upon.

Results can be seen HERE.

Campolo Interview

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Watching some TV before bed, and I stumbled upon a re-run of The Hour, the one which featured an interview with Tony Campolo. If you haven’t seen it yet, check it out below, and see a fellow that represents the Kingdom well on national TV.