From today’s Winnipeg Free Press, a beauty of a list to get the weekend started early!

TOP 10 REASONS WHY THE ROUGHRIDERS SUCK

10. Crummy history
In 96 seasons, the Roughriders have won the Grey Cup a pathetic three times — less than every team in the CFL, including three defunct franchises. The Bombers, meanwhile, have played in the big game a CFL-record 23 times in 80 seasons, winning on 10 occasions.

9. Crummy players
The Bombers have 39 members of the CFL Hall of Fame, while the Riders have just 19.

8. Winnipeg’s whipping boys
The CFL record book is filled with tales of Winnipeg’s dominance over Saskatchewan:

• Biggest shutout: Winnipeg 56, Saskatchewan 0 (July 5, 1986)

• Largest margin of victory by a road team: Winnipeg 61, Saskatchewan 8 (Aug. 29, 1959)

• Most kicks blocked in one game: 3 by Winnipeg vs. Saskatchewan (Sept. 13, 1992)

7. Did we mention crummy history?
The Riders would have to go on a 77-game winning streak to raise their all-time record to .500. The Bombers, meanwhile, would have to lose 56 in a row to fall to that level. To reach the Riders’ current level of all-time ineptitude, the Bombers would have to go 7.5 seasons without a victory.

6. Their recent history isn’t that great, either
The Riders just finished losing to the Edmonton Eskimos, arguably the worst team in the CFL.

5. Biggest current “star” is terrible
Quarterback Darian Durant has the most interceptions, worst completion percentage and lowest passer rating of any full-time starting QB in the league. In his last five games, Durant has thrown four touchdowns and 11 interceptions.

4. Biggest past “star” was terrible
Of course, crummy quarterbacking is nothing new in Regina. Their “greatest” all-time passer, Ron Lancaster, threw a CFL-record 396 interceptions in his career — 115 more than the next-most-careless QB. He threw 63 fewer TD passes than picks.

3. Nobody good works there … for long
While Winnipeg steals promising coaches (Paul LaPolice, Kavis Reed) away from Saskatchewan, the Riders hire castoffs (Doug Berry, Jim Daley) who weren’t good enough for the Bombers.

2. A ground squirrel is not a gopher!
Their mascot is Gainer the Gopher — perhaps the only species of rodent that DOESN’T exist in Saskatchewan.

1. A watermelon is not a hat
This is simple stuff, people.

Have a great Labour Day weekend!